I came to know Christ at a very young age. I can honestly say I don't think there was ever a time that I didn't know Him. But sometimes I've felt so far from Him. Like I know of Him, I know Him in my head, the truth of who Jesus is sometimes gets so repeated over and over again that at times I've lost the power of the story of Scripture.
My friend and pastor Mike (see his blog to the right, I highly recommend it) today gave a talk, not a sermon. It was a heartfelt message that God had called Him to give, like a burden, something he had to say. He had gone to the Cataylst Conference in Atlanta where God convicted him. Through hearing Mike's heart today and some of the reading and talking to my friend David tonight, I'm feeling convicted as well. I feel like in my walk with Jesus I'm just scratching the surface of who he wants me to be as a follower. God's message from Mike was about living every moment of every day for the glory of God in the world as his Kingdom, which is manifest in his church, advances.
Advancing the kingdom. We often get the picture of something like a crusader, fighting the forces of evil, preaching hell-fire and brimstone. Jesus was quite different from that. How did he advance the kingdom? He didn't lay his weapons down, he just used a different kind of offense. He didn't pick up the sword. He picked up a towel and wrapped it around his waist.
Resuming the thought from the first paragraph...Mike talked about how he was so radical when he first surrendered everything to Jesus and invited him in. My parents have told me about how I used to ask to pray before I went into surgeries (I had quite a few when I was a kid). I have times of being close to Jesus. Even in the last few years of feeling an overall slow movement in my spiritual growth. But I haven't had one of those breakthrough moments, I don't think, in a while. I've had some emotional highs and lows, but I've been somewhat in a rut, I think. I lost my focus.
I'm prideful at times. Not just at times...LOTS of times. My ego gets in the way, and it's so counter to what Jesus has called us to...deny yourself. Humble yourself before Him and let Him lift you up. Take the crappiest seat at the banquet table. Take up the basin and the towel. I feel like I've said these things, sang the song (below). It's like Mike said today....I've done a lot of really good stuff, but some of it has not been out of the heart of intense burden and passion that Jesus had(has). I'd like to think it has been. I love serving at our church. It's a tremendous privilege. I just think Jesus wants to do something in my heart. In a lot of hearts of people in our church.
Worship is my pathway to God, so a lot of songs have been swimming around in my head today. Michael Card's Basin and the Towel.
Also His "The Things we Leave Behind". I apologize for the vids, they're not life-changing. But the lyrics are awesome.
And lastly, the lyrics to an old hymn redone by Indelible Grace a few years back:
"Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken"
by Henry Francis Lyte, 1793-1847
1. Jesus, I my cross have taken,
All to leave and follow Thee;
Destitute, despised, forsaken,
Thou from hence my All shalt be.
Perish every fond ambition,
All I've sought or hoped or known;
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own.
2. Let the world despise and leave me,
They have left my Savior, too.
Human hearts and looks deceive me;
Thou art not, like them, untrue.
And while Thou shalt smile upon me,
God of wisdom, love, and might,
Foes may hate and friends may shun me;
Show Thy face, and all is bright.
3. Go, then, earthly fame and treasure!
Come, disaster, scorn, and pain!
In Thy service, pain is pleasure;
With Thy favor, loss is gain.
I have called Thee Abba, Father!
I have stayed my heart on Thee.
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather,
All must work for good to me.
4. Man may trouble and distress me,
'Twill but drive me to Thy breast;
Life with trials hard may press me,
Heaven will bring me sweeter rest.
Oh, 'tis not in grief to harm me
While Thy love is left to me;
Oh, 'twere not in joy to charm me
Were that joy unmixed with Thee.
5. Take, my soul, thy full salvation;
Rise o'er sin and fear and care;
Joy to find in every station,
Something still to do or bear.
Think what Spirit dwells within thee,
What a Father's smile is thine,
What a Savior died to win thee;
Child of heaven, shouldst thou repine?
6. Haste, then, on from grace to glory,
Armed by faith and winged by prayer;
Heaven's eternal day's before thee,
God's own hand shall guide thee there.
Soon shall close the earthly mission,
Swift shall pass thy pilgrim days,
Hope soon change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.
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