Monday, November 3, 2008

Anyone Who Says he Doesn't Need Friends..

...is in denial. I'm very pumped about my Monday morning group jumping into a module called "Standing with a Friend." Today's first week discussion was an eye-opening look into the masculine psyche when it comes to male friendships. Lots of men relate to the old Simon and Garfunkel song "I Am a Rock." Me, most men (and women) would consider to be a "sensitive" person. I don't care who you are, you have a heart, and no person can deal for a long time with no relationships. Just look at all the songs out there about friendships and having "someone to lean on."

A good friend (ha) in the group proposed these questions that absolutely floored me, they're very worth considering. Note, for women this tends to come easier on the whole, so I'm asking men to consider only relationships with other men in the following. Aside from my wife being my best friend, I need to examine these questions in terms of my friendships with other men:

1. Who would you call if things in your life really went south?

2. Who would call you in those same kind of circumstances?

3. Who are your three closest friends (Jesus had Peter, James, and John)? Do you completely trust them and share your whole self with them, or do you hold back?

4. Who would you put in your circle of twelve-ish, people you consider to be good friends, you enjoy, and are willing to share most aspects of your life with?

The rest are the relationships that you hold onto more loosely, some you are friendly with, while others are acquaintances.

For me, people come and go within these circles (Inner three, 12, and acquaintances). This morning I found myself mourning a little over some of those who have moved out of my life somewhat and further out in the circles. It takes intentionality to find people to replace those who've moved out. And it takes trust. And forgiveness. And...

1 comment:

anne girl said...

You're right - it was completely easy for me to name my #1, my three closest (including the #1), and the other 12. Benefits of being a woman, I suppose :-)

The people who occupy those positions have changed for me many, many times over the years, though. Sometimes it's an easy transition, and sometimes I completely miss the person and mourn how our relationship has changed, too.

You will ALWAYS be my number one, babe. I love you and I am so, so proud of you.