Tomorrow morning you and I will be gathered together with other followers of The Way. Hundreds of millions of people will be gathering to worship the Savior, Emmanuel, God with us. Are you ready? Where is your heart tonight? Where are your thoughts? Do you have any grievances and struggles with others? Are you running away from dealing with those, or from giving them to God? Are you being pulled away God and your relationship to him by the movie your watching? Have you stopped to reflect on your day, your week, and go over it with Jesus?
Truth is, I've watched at least one movie and more TV today among doing all the other things I needed to do. There's nothing wrong with that, but now I find I'm not as connected to God right now as I want to be. I am aware of my own weakness, lack of discipline, distractedness. Yet now all is quiet in our home. The TV is off, I must be early to bed to rise and begin the morning of serving early with many others who will do the same.
May we think over questions like these, and admit to God our shortcomings in the answers to them, and look to Him for the filling grace and joy, so that tomorrow we can serve with hearts full, while at the same time seeing Him, hearing from Him, and being filled more.
Come, Emmanuel. Ransom the captives.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Foolishness of God at Advent
1 Corinthians 1:18-31 is an amazing passage that talks about the wisdom of God looking like absolute foolishness to mankind, except to those who love God with all their hearts. As we enter into this advent season, think about the prophets. Think about Isaiah’s suffering servant passage…this is the Messiah? A man who would be broken and bruised beyond recognition?
The whole idea of God, the Word, the Supreme Being of the universe seen and unseen, coming and taking on the form of us, to have blood coursing through his veins, to have canker sores, to be in the womb of a 13 year old girl and grow and be born as a little baby in an animal barn…when you stop and consider it, isn’t it absolutely CRAZY? It doesn’t make sense! It seems so completely ridiculous, and amazing and astounding.
I’m remembering a scene from the Fellowship of the Ring, at the council in Rivendell as the story of the ring is unfolded and the plan that Gandalf and Elrond seem to have thought of about what must be done…Boromir’s response is “This is utter folly.” The idea of pinning all the hope of the world on a four foot hobbit seems completely idiotic to a man who is used to warfare. Everyone knows it—the way to win wars and beat the enemy is to have a bigger or at least better army with superior fighting strength. Israel thought the way to beat the Roman empire was for God to send a great warrior captain to lead them into battle. But the Roman empire was the smaller story, God had bigger things to save them and us from, and needed someone even more powerful than an army. And so he promised that Emmanuel would come, God with us.
The whole idea of God, the Word, the Supreme Being of the universe seen and unseen, coming and taking on the form of us, to have blood coursing through his veins, to have canker sores, to be in the womb of a 13 year old girl and grow and be born as a little baby in an animal barn…when you stop and consider it, isn’t it absolutely CRAZY? It doesn’t make sense! It seems so completely ridiculous, and amazing and astounding.
I’m remembering a scene from the Fellowship of the Ring, at the council in Rivendell as the story of the ring is unfolded and the plan that Gandalf and Elrond seem to have thought of about what must be done…Boromir’s response is “This is utter folly.” The idea of pinning all the hope of the world on a four foot hobbit seems completely idiotic to a man who is used to warfare. Everyone knows it—the way to win wars and beat the enemy is to have a bigger or at least better army with superior fighting strength. Israel thought the way to beat the Roman empire was for God to send a great warrior captain to lead them into battle. But the Roman empire was the smaller story, God had bigger things to save them and us from, and needed someone even more powerful than an army. And so he promised that Emmanuel would come, God with us.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Ahhhh!!!
I'm still here, still in the battle, and man is it ever a fight! There is so much that comes at us each day trying to turn us off to Jesus, to his presence, to the Holy Spirit inside of us, to the bigger story God is writing for us. I don't have time to write where I've been lately, but I encourage you to do what I'm trying to learn--to bring Jesus into every moment. I know I've failed countless times in the past few days, and I've hurt myself and others, those I love deeply, in the process. But we press on knowing that Jesus is our righteousness!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Reboot?
It's been haunting me that I haven't done anything on here in a couple months. I had high hopes around my birthday of pretty much telling you about my life in my twenties. So much for that. I haven't been to the gym in at least 3 weeks either. Just like everything else, you have to fight for your blog time. You have to intentionally make time for it, otherwise it won't get done.
I think it's part of the way "the matrix" is set up, to keep us all so busy with our lives that we become like robots--eat, sleep, work, watch the kids, watch TV, play video games, etc. All the while getting more disconnected from our hearts, and yet at the end of the day there's a slight pain in the soul that says, "if I had just 30 mins to myself I could write something meaningful." Underneath the desire to write is the desire to be ALIVE. To be aware. To be alive to God and aware of Jesus in every moment.
You'll know I'm fighting for it if I keep writing...
I think it's part of the way "the matrix" is set up, to keep us all so busy with our lives that we become like robots--eat, sleep, work, watch the kids, watch TV, play video games, etc. All the while getting more disconnected from our hearts, and yet at the end of the day there's a slight pain in the soul that says, "if I had just 30 mins to myself I could write something meaningful." Underneath the desire to write is the desire to be ALIVE. To be aware. To be alive to God and aware of Jesus in every moment.
You'll know I'm fighting for it if I keep writing...
Friday, August 28, 2009
The Twenties: Decade in Review: 21
At the end of the previously mentioned summer, I turned 21. A friend named Matt, who had worked with us over the summer, met up with me at a local restaurant, where I ordered a "Red Dog" beer. I didn't know what I was doing, was clueless about beer, and hated the taste of it. But I drank the whole thing because I didn't want to look lame around my friend.
Around the same time, the college made me move into a dorm room with a freshman (I was a senior). It became a apparent almost instantly that we had nothing in common. After a couple months, he moved in with a friend so I had the room to myself. It was fun. It was a little weird being a senior living with mostly underclassmen, but I had no prior experience to compare it to, so I enjoyed it enough.
To be honest, this was a tough year for me. I was incredibly infatuated with a couple of women, struggled with adjusting to life on my own, found a few good friendships, and a few that I kept up even though I knew they weren't very good ones. Without realizing it at the time, I turned to being insanely busy to help feel a bit less lonely (which of course didn't work). Besides keeping a full schedule of 16 credit hours of classes, I:
--worked in the kitchen 8-10 hours a week, sometimes in the middle of the night
--became the worship leader for all chapels, which met 3 times a week
--acted as head of the team behind "More Than That", a student-led additional worship time meeting on Wednesday nights.
Of course, even with all that, I procrastinated with many games of ping-pong, interesting conversations, and Mariokart marathons. Through it all the loneliness and inner struggles lingered on. I had a lot of acquaintances, but only a few real friends. Unfortunately, I was blinded to their reaching out because I was so infatuated with others (let this serve as a warning to the reader to be applied in your own life).
Despite the struggles, I got a ton of good experience as a worship leader, I had a lot of laughs, and a lot of relational experience. I had always been an honor-roll/dean's list student so I graduated with about a 3.8 GPA in early May of 2001. A week after graduating, I payed $500 to UPS my library ahead of me, packed my Ford Festiva to the gills (You shoulda seen it!) and drove to Oviedo, Florida.
I had already decided in my junior year of college where I would go to seminary. I didn't know anyone when I moved to Florida, the seminary had found me a place to rent a room for $200/month. I moved in with a retiree who smoked cheap cigars in the house, and his huge black lab, and my fellow rentee, a Taiwanese RTS student. I applied to all the local retail stores for a job, and the first to call me was Publix (the one at 419 and Lockhart). I started working in the meat market, where I'd work for the next four years to put myself through Seminary.
I tried one Sunday attending an OPC church I'd heard about, but it was completely on the other side of town, and my host, Dick, mentioned his son Chuck was a pastor at nearby Willow Creek PCA. I attended in the morning and at night (like a good Reformed Dutchman...) and liked the evening crowd because most everyone was my age or a few years older. Nearly everyone was associated with the seminary in some way. I found a community where people accepted me as I was, I felt like they instantly new who I was, faults and all, but genuinely wanted me to be part of them. Thus began my journey with Willow Creek at Night and Sojourn.
Around the same time, the college made me move into a dorm room with a freshman (I was a senior). It became a apparent almost instantly that we had nothing in common. After a couple months, he moved in with a friend so I had the room to myself. It was fun. It was a little weird being a senior living with mostly underclassmen, but I had no prior experience to compare it to, so I enjoyed it enough.
To be honest, this was a tough year for me. I was incredibly infatuated with a couple of women, struggled with adjusting to life on my own, found a few good friendships, and a few that I kept up even though I knew they weren't very good ones. Without realizing it at the time, I turned to being insanely busy to help feel a bit less lonely (which of course didn't work). Besides keeping a full schedule of 16 credit hours of classes, I:
--worked in the kitchen 8-10 hours a week, sometimes in the middle of the night
--became the worship leader for all chapels, which met 3 times a week
--acted as head of the team behind "More Than That", a student-led additional worship time meeting on Wednesday nights.
Of course, even with all that, I procrastinated with many games of ping-pong, interesting conversations, and Mariokart marathons. Through it all the loneliness and inner struggles lingered on. I had a lot of acquaintances, but only a few real friends. Unfortunately, I was blinded to their reaching out because I was so infatuated with others (let this serve as a warning to the reader to be applied in your own life).
Despite the struggles, I got a ton of good experience as a worship leader, I had a lot of laughs, and a lot of relational experience. I had always been an honor-roll/dean's list student so I graduated with about a 3.8 GPA in early May of 2001. A week after graduating, I payed $500 to UPS my library ahead of me, packed my Ford Festiva to the gills (You shoulda seen it!) and drove to Oviedo, Florida.
I had already decided in my junior year of college where I would go to seminary. I didn't know anyone when I moved to Florida, the seminary had found me a place to rent a room for $200/month. I moved in with a retiree who smoked cheap cigars in the house, and his huge black lab, and my fellow rentee, a Taiwanese RTS student. I applied to all the local retail stores for a job, and the first to call me was Publix (the one at 419 and Lockhart). I started working in the meat market, where I'd work for the next four years to put myself through Seminary.
I tried one Sunday attending an OPC church I'd heard about, but it was completely on the other side of town, and my host, Dick, mentioned his son Chuck was a pastor at nearby Willow Creek PCA. I attended in the morning and at night (like a good Reformed Dutchman...) and liked the evening crowd because most everyone was my age or a few years older. Nearly everyone was associated with the seminary in some way. I found a community where people accepted me as I was, I felt like they instantly new who I was, faults and all, but genuinely wanted me to be part of them. Thus began my journey with Willow Creek at Night and Sojourn.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The Twenties: Decade in Review: 20
20. On the eve of my birthday, 1999, I was just starting my junior year of college in Grand Rapids, MI. I was living at home, just coming off of a summer of doing construction all day every day, building and repairing homes. That year was about transition, as my parents began to follow God's leaving to move again into foster care, somewhere away from Michigan. It was interesting having just the four of us at home, no foster kids.
I was torn between hanging out with the crowd at Reformed Bible College (now Kuyper) who were conservatively minded theologically, and those who were into what we called "Praise and worship music." I sort of hung out with both, tried to do my studying or hanging out with friends in the evening, and not spend so many nights at home.
Soon after the end of the school year, we had sold our house in Rockford, I moved into the on-campus apartments, and my brother graduated high school and drove to Clovis, NM, to live with my parents on a 6000-acre ranch. That summer I worked with my Uncle and my Grandpa building homes, returning in the evenings to hang with the few students left on campus over the summer. We often watched movies or played board games. I ate far too many $1 totino's pizzas. It was my first few months of life without parental authority nearby.
I was torn between hanging out with the crowd at Reformed Bible College (now Kuyper) who were conservatively minded theologically, and those who were into what we called "Praise and worship music." I sort of hung out with both, tried to do my studying or hanging out with friends in the evening, and not spend so many nights at home.
Soon after the end of the school year, we had sold our house in Rockford, I moved into the on-campus apartments, and my brother graduated high school and drove to Clovis, NM, to live with my parents on a 6000-acre ranch. That summer I worked with my Uncle and my Grandpa building homes, returning in the evenings to hang with the few students left on campus over the summer. We often watched movies or played board games. I ate far too many $1 totino's pizzas. It was my first few months of life without parental authority nearby.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Aidan is One!
A year ago today, God gave us our firstborn son. Aidan Michael was not our first pregnancy, but he has been worth the wait. He has brought much joy into our lives. He's helped us grow as individuals, largely in that we've had to face up to the challenges of parenthood. I must say we've been blessed with what most people would consider to be an easy baby. But still, we've learned to sacrifice our time, energy, desires, and free time, for his sake.
I've grown a lot in the past year as a man, and I attribute a fair amount of that growth to being a father. I know and trust that in the months ahead, more growth will take place as each stage of Aidan's development presents new challenges. More and more I have a desire for our family to be more structured with regard to time and time management. There are things that my parents did growing up that I want to incorporate into our family life--taking what I had, and making our own version of it.
So while I look to the next year of raising Aidan, I thank God for the past year, for the amazing and incredible gift of a son who is so cute, entertaining, and full of joy.
Happy Birthday Aidan. Daddy loves you.
I've grown a lot in the past year as a man, and I attribute a fair amount of that growth to being a father. I know and trust that in the months ahead, more growth will take place as each stage of Aidan's development presents new challenges. More and more I have a desire for our family to be more structured with regard to time and time management. There are things that my parents did growing up that I want to incorporate into our family life--taking what I had, and making our own version of it.
So while I look to the next year of raising Aidan, I thank God for the past year, for the amazing and incredible gift of a son who is so cute, entertaining, and full of joy.
Happy Birthday Aidan. Daddy loves you.
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